The Real World, Once More
I did a consultation for a treatment team this week. They were a delight to work with. They are very used to looking for the need behind behaviors, and are caring and sympathetic to the youth in their care. Still, they struggled with the same issues everyone else does. Validating does not mean agreeing. Tenesha said: “I think this validating can backfire. I mean, When Stacey says she hates this place and everything we do here sucks and the staff are unfair, how can I tell her that she is right? I don’t agree and it would be going against my self and my team.” This reflects a misunderstanding of what validating is. Tenesha does not have to tell Stacey that she agrees with her- she doesn’t. Instead, validating is saying that she hears what Stacey is saying and understands what she is feeling. So, Tenesha does NOT say, “I know, Stacey, this is a lousy place.” Instead she says: “Right now you hate living here, and everything about the place is on your last nerve.” To say this with genuine ...